Mentor Orphan Stan Friedland's Story and Advice:

I was an orphan. My father died when I was almost four, and my mother developed MS a short time later and had to be hospitalized. My brother and I lived in a succession of orphanages and foster homes until I was 17.

I never regarded myself as an orphan. I had a caring and strong older brother and a loving and spiritually strong mother, even though she was confined to a wheel chair in a sanatarium.
Realistically, I was an orphan. I had no parents to care for me and no roof of my own over my head. Yet, I had family to care for me and to support me. Which they did. So, I didn't feel at all like an orphan and it rarely, if ever, became a part of my personal identity. Who I was and what I became was for me to determine because I "owned" my own identity and I would shape it as best as possible. Which I did!

My mother helped me to develop  that invaluable realization early in my life, and it enabled me to be a self-determining person at a young age. Yes, life was throwing a lot of lemons at me, and I had a harsh choice. Either be overwhelmed by the bitter tastes, or....... make lemonade!

My brother and I lived in an abusive foster home for 3 and 1/2 years. Finally, we ran away. Fortunately we got into a high quality orphanage called the Pride of Judea Children's Home, where I lived for seven important years. If we hadn't run away, our lives would have been much harder. But we took matters of our own welfare into our hands and ran away, ultimately paving the way for placement into this good orphanage.
Several years ago, I paid homage to this place by co-authoring a book, entitled: An Orphan Has Many Parents. Interesting title? Yes, because I felt it to be true. I was nine when I entered this institution and I really needed some male role models because I had not really known my father and there was no other strong male adult in my life. And because I was looking, I found them in this orphanage! They helped me considerably and my book was written to pay them the recognition they deserved.

I ultimately went on to go to college, earn a doctoral degree, marry, father four great children, and have a great career in education as a teacher, guidance counselor and high school principal.

Meeting adversities in the early stages of my life  strengthened me greatly. I felt and still feel that I can handle almost any problem that crosses my path. I look at my own kids, all of whom have turned out great, and other kids of this generation, and they are so much softer than people with my background. So, in a quirky way, I feel that my having been an "orphan" has helped me tremendously. I am an appreciative person who has the capacity to enjoy the many simple things that most people take for granted. Being an "appreciator" enables me to be a "psychological millionnaire" because I am so "enriched" by life and people. It need not be a financial state of address. Sure, it would be nice to be rich. But one can enjoy life to the fullest by becoming the self-responsible and self-determining CEO of the best corporate entity in the world: ONESELF! Stan Friedland INC. is MY company and I'm the CEO of it. I'll take full responsibility for it and try not to make excuses or cast blame elsewhere when things don't go well. I have great resources to use to enjoy my life and I'll develop them and use them to the fullest!

I'm 72 years young as I write this. Old is also a state of mind, and, quite often, so is one's health. Yes, there is the unavoidable onset of health problems that come with the aging process. But if you're a "mind-body" person, as I am, then you're going to stretch your body and mind to its limits each day. And, in so doing, you're going to keep both as fresh, as dynamic, as productive as possible!

To conclude, I feel as though I've led a very successful productive and fulfilling life. The key: learn to take complete responsibility for yourself. That means no blame games, few excuses, converting problems into challenges and persevering through the obstacles that all of us encounter throughout our lives. Understand that if you're less "advantaged" than your peers, it's an opportunity to become stronger because of it. Minimize the moans and groans and plow your way through each hurdle, one at a time. You'll be the better, the stronger and the happier for it!

I'd end by saying, "good luck". But, better yet, become more self-determining and make your own good luck!
Best wishes.
 
Stan Friedland
Feb. 7, 2004