Post World War II
Rags to Riches
Unconditional Love
Grief
New Life/New Adventure
College Days
Single Something.
Dreams DO Come True
More on Dreams
More on Dreams
Future Projects
Links
Reader Comments |
|
Abortion
Life was depressing.
I moved to Houston, Texas caring very little about my life. Worked
as a receptionist and met my future husband. He proposed marriage
to me, we sealed the proposal one night, and I became pregnant -
classic story. We went to a border
town in Mexico and I had an abortion. It was a horrible experience
- one that I will never forget. I don't think anyone ever truly
gets over the fact that they have had an abortion. I still think
about the child that would have been. In fact, over thirty years
has passed since that happened, I had a dream about the child
I aborted. In the dream I asked who this tall, bald-headed young
person was, and he said he was Michael, the child I aborted.
My self-esteem was
at an all time low and I cared very little about my future. I
was ashamed and embarrassed and at the same time I was impressed
that the man who paid for my abortion, the father of his unborn
child, still wanted to marry me. I thought this was what love
was all about - it didn't matter that I didn't love him, but that
he loved me.
Seven years later
this very man threw the abortion in my face. He conveniently forgot
that the abortion was a joint decision.
Marriage
I married a
cold man. Somehow we managed to have three beautiful children. Ten
years later, we divorced because he was verbally abusive. Of course
that was not stated in the divorce decree, but those who knew us
as a couple would agree that he did not treat me with any kind of
respect. The verbal abuse went on daily, sometimes all day long.
The better I felt
about myself, the more he felt threatened. I tried to work on
my degree - he was non-supportive even though he was a well educated
man. He never ran around on me, he was always home, but we never
communicated. His only form of communication was criticism. According
to him, I was too stupid to do anything. After a ten years of
putting up with his verbal abuse, I felt it was time to move on.
I knew that I could not change him but I could change myself.
Footnote: After
20 years of being divorced from this man, there has been a healing.
Our oldest daughter recently married. The family was together
again for the first time in those 20 years. It was such a good
reunion that I no longer felt anger towards my ex-husband. He's
proud of his daughter as he should be and to see my ex-in-laws
which included my brother and sister-in-law, was a blessing.
One can only be angry
for so long, and it stops serving its purpose. Letting go felt
so right. The wedding was beautiful, but the healing was better.
That does not mean that lessons are not to be learned - but that
we must all move forward or we will stay stuck in the anger. I
chose to let go and no longer stay stuck. How about you? If you
are holding anger, there is no way to go but down. It is not worth
the time spent on the anger - not even 20 years!
Divorce
I thought my
life would improve magically once my divorce was finalized. The
opposite happened. I was labeled a divorcee with three small children,
had car problems, my house was burglarized, there was never enough
money, the list goes on and on. I had a dream - I
wanted to work in my home because I envisioned that computers
would bring jobs to those mothers/fathers who wanted to work at
home and be with their children. My neighbors thought I was nuts!
What was crazy about wanting to be available to my children for
their cub scout or brownie meetings, to allow them to have friends
at the house and at the same time, make a living from my home.
I wanted some normalcy to my life as well as my children - not
just drop them off at the day-care and be too tired to enjoy them.
Apparently, I was about 20 years ahead of my time. I still believe
that this is possible and I hope to see it happen in my life time.
NEXT: Single Something
|
